I really like the above quote by Albert Einstein.  It reminds us that our kiddos do have special areas they may be gifted in....and for most of them the social arena isn't one of them.

This does not make our kids "stupid" or "slow".  What this means is that it may take them 6 weeks to embrace a new social skill instead of 10 minutes for a typical kiddo. 

These kids can achieve so much if we can put on our Sherlock Holmes hats and figure out the puzzle piece that is causing the confusion. 

When our daughter was early in diagnosis (about 4) she didn't understand how to give someone a hug.  We had to break it down step by step.  "First you look at the person with a smile on your face and make eye contact.  Then you step toward them with your arms open wide.  You gently place your arms around them and give a small squeeze.  Then you release the squeeze and step back with your arms at your side."   We had to practice each step many, many times!

With a typical kiddo you simply say...."Come give a hug" and they know instinctively how to do it!

So don't expect your little fish to climb a tree....unless you are there to give a boost!

What things have you had to break down into steps to teach your child?

Substitute Teachers

We know there are times when our regular teachers will not be able to teach our kids on some days.  When our daughter was in elementary school, it was extremely helpful if we received a phone call or email to let us know of the change in personnel so we could prepare our child.

It really threw our girl into a bit of a frazzled state when the substitute teacher didn't immediately start the math lesson at 10:10 or she taught the subjects in a different order completely.

We finally hammered home the idea that this "new" teacher was to be given the same respect as her regular teacher and if things happened at different times (or not at all!) it was NO BIG DEAL! Sometimes kids stay with babysitting grandparents....and kids are still to mind their manners and obey the rules for grandparents just like parents!

If there is any way the current teacher can leave a small note for the substitute with any special tips for your child, it also may make everyone's life a little easier.

What things do you do to prepare for substitute teachers?  Is it even a problem?

Anyway, I really thought the above cartoon was hilarious and needed a reason to share it :)

Well, school has been in session for a couple of weeks and so far, things are going pretty smoothly.  Let me share some of our "bumps" which should be worth a chuckle or two :)

When checking my daughter's (now a high school freshman) computer class grade on-line, I was shocked to see an "F" on her first test over PowerPoint.  After the test she "felt confident" she had done a good job...see, her perception of reality isn't always accurate ~ ha!

I immediately jumped on my ledge (I sometimes have to climb down from) and I sent a short email to her teacher (worded VERY nicely) to ask what we could do to help Emily do better on the next  exam and what did she think our daughter's problem might have been.  Notice I DID NOT blame the teacher, nor did I expect the teacher to email me and let me know my daughter's failing grade.  These high school teachers have about 150 kiddos per day, and as much as I would like to think mine is the only one they teach......it is a different ballgame than elementary school!

Are you sitting down?  The teacher replied back (VERY  nicely too :) and...here is the kicker.... in her opinion, our daughter rushed through the 30 questions on the computer too quickly....AND didn't use her notes or books as it was....yep you guessed it.... an open note and open book test!!!!

Are you kidding me?!!?

When I shared this information with my daughter, in a loud voice from my ledge :), she thought it would take too much time to try to look up information in the book and she thought she knew the stuff.

SO, the teacher is going to remind her that she can use her notes and book right before the test and our girl got her life lesson about rushing through the material.

If it doesn't kill us, it makes us stronger, right?  :)

Remember to enjoy your child!

That time of the month

Now I realize that current statistics show the boys more than girls are affected with autism.  So sometimes areas special to girls aren't always addressed as widely.... not that I am complaining, just explaining the purpose of this post.  That being said....here goes:

If you have a daughter, you will at some point in time be addressing menstruation :)

Explain to your daughter that EVERY female will get her period.  It is part of becoming a woman and being able to have babies.  It is a good thing to have your period no matter how annoying it can be at times.

Show her pads and tampons and let her feel them and see what they are like.  PRIOR to her period starting (even a year or so!), have her wear a pad in her underwear so she can see what it feels like.  Have her practice removing the pad from its packet and placing it on her pants the right way.  Explain that it will need to be changed EVERY time she goes to the bathroom.  Show her how to "wrap" her used pad in toilet paper before throwing it away.....NOT flushed!

Buy some inexpensive underwear and keep extras in a pouch in her locker at school.  We also kept some in the nurse's office at school too in case of an "accident" or starting their period at school unprepared.  If the underwear gets too stained....throw it away!  That's fine to do!

Wear dark colored pants during your period.  If  there is an "accident" and some staining appears on your pants, you can always tie a dark sweatshirt around your waist to help cover you up until you can get to the nurse.

Keep tampon or pads in a little pouch in your gym locker, school locker or backpack.  You don't always know when your period will happen, so it is good to always be prepared.

DON'T talk about your period with BOYS.  It is a girl only thing and somewhat private.  You do NOT announce to the class that you have started your period and need to go to the bathroom.  You can always go privately to your teacher and tell them you need to go to the bathroom.  If you have a male teacher and are embarrassed to tell them you started your period...simply say you have a stomach ache and need to see the nurse.

Explain about PMS, becoming grouchy, craving chocolate and how sometimes ibuprofen is your best friend when you are having cramps.

I am sure there are hundreds of more ideas and tips you can add to this small list.  These have worked for us so far.  After living in a house with three women, my husband says he didn't realize how toxic estrogen was! :) hahaha!  Remember to enjoy your child!

Hidden Curriculum Calendar

I LOVE LOVE LOVE this calendar....we have used it since 2006.  There is one for kids and another for Teens and Older Adults.  I cannot say enough about this calendar and am sure there are other "Hidden Curriculum" items available.

Here are just a few random entries in this page-a-day format.  We had ours on the table and it provided many meal time conversations about appropriate social behavior.

Recess is a time to talk to other kids, run, walk, and play games.  It is okay to ask a teacher if you need help remembering how to try new activities, but it's not a good idea to stand by the teacher all the time at recess.

When you are talking to your teacher, don't necessarily say everything that you are thinking.  For example, if you think your teacher smells like dirty socks, it would be very rude and hurtful to say that to her.  Try to stay on one topic and ask your questions in a calm voice.

If your teacher says "Give yourselves a hand," she is telling the class to clap to congratulate themselves for doing something well.

If someone says, "That drives me crazy," that doesn't mean she is being driven anywhere.  It usually means the person is very frustrated with what is happening.

Just because something is on TV does not mean it is true.  Talk to your parents about things you see in commercials or TV programs to find out if they think those things are true.

People don't like hearing things they already know.  Instead of telling somebody something they already know, keep the idea in your head, even if you think it's important.  Later you may find a chance to share it with somebody else.

If you do not like the birthday treats being offered, that's okay.  Just say, "No, thank you." Don't ask for a different treat.  There's probably only one kind.

When you check the clock repeatedly, others will think you are bored or late.  Try to glance at the clock only occasionally and try to do it very quickly.

Aren't these fabulous?  Even thinking and talking about these daily prompts so many conversations and opportunities for your child to share with you...."oh yeah, that reminds me of what happened today...." and it is just a quick little nudge for appropriate behavior on a daily basis! :)

Remember to enjoy your child!

Teachers are our Friends :)

"School teachers are not fully appreciated by parents until it rains all day Saturday." E.C. McKenzie

As previously stated at the left...we are from a family of educators....parents, aunts, uncles, siblings, cousins are all teachers.  My family is laughing hysterically at the amount of time I volunteer at my kids' schools saying "at least we get paid when we go to school!"

They are right, but I also know from personal experience that teachers spend a lot more time in their classrooms and pursuing continuing education than the 180 school year.

You can help your teachers in many small ways:

Send an encouraging email and share something fun your child did or said that their teacher would enjoy.

During the cold/flu season send in extra boxes of Kleenex and hand sanitizer.

Ask your teacher if they need any specific school supplies for the classroom.

How about a gift card for lunch?

Send a note to their principal to share how the teacher has helped your child and family.  Many of the best ideas to help our daughter have come from educators who think "outside the box".

We also send an "End of Year" thank you note to our daughter's teachers and share how they have helped continue her strong education foundation.

And finally from probably the most famous person on the autism spectrum, Miss Temple Grandin:

"I cannot emphasize enough the importance of a good teacher."

Remember to thank a teacher!

I am on the email list for the Indiana Resource Center for Autism.  I really thought this article had a ton of good ideas and checklists.... unfortunately since I am such a blogging rookie, I hope my "links" work....so best advice would be to copy and paste them into your search box if they don't work when you click on them :(

For Parents: Preparing for the School Year
Contributed by: Dr. Cathy Pratt, BCBA-D, Director, Indiana Resource Center for Autism

Anticipating the beginning of the school year can be a time of high anxiety for both parents and their sons or daughters. Parental concerns such as will my child be successful in the new school year both academically and socially as well as will his/her new teachers command a good understanding of autism spectrum disorders (ASD) seem magnified with all the unknowns that the new school year brings. At times, you may know staff and have a good working relationship with them. Other times, staff is unknown and expectations for your son/daughter are unclear. Below are a few tips to help you become a proactive and positive advocate for your son/daughter.

• Many teachers may not have had previous experience with students with autism spectrum disorders or may only have had experience with students quite different than your son/daughter. The Indiana Resource Center for Autism’s (IRCA) website at www.iidc.indiana.edu/irca, has several articles that can help educators better understand ASD. Topics addressed include the learning characteristics associated with ASD and teaching strategies. Parents need to proactively educate. Provide information, but do not overwhelm with educators with too much information. Identify the autism leader in you special education planning district. The list can be found at: http://www.iidc.indiana.edu/index.php?pageId=340. Your local special education district autism leader may be able to assist with training or support.

• Staff will need information about how autism impacts your son/daughter. At the end of this article is a form that you can complete and share with your child’s teachers. This form allows you to provide specific information about learning styles, communication systems, medical issues, behavior supports, and other topics. Make sure that you describe your child and not only in terms related to their ASD (e.g., sense of humor, kind, gentle, smart). Ask that information be shared with relevant staff including cafeteria workers, custodians, bus drivers, the school secretary, the school nurse, and administrators. The form is brief so as not to overwhelm staff.

• Request information about bus schedules, parent teacher organizations, and available resources (e.g., counselors, social workers, nurses).

• Before beginning the school year in a new school, work to alleviate any anxieties you or your son/ daughter may have about the new setting. Preparation for this move can be facilitated by obtaining a map of the school, a copy of his/her schedule for the fall, a copy of the student handbook and rules, and a list of clubs/extracurricular activities. Ask to take a tour with your son/daughter before the school year begins. Request a list of school supplies, locker combination, and clothes needed for physical education. Practice getting up in the mornings and eating breakfast so the student and you will know how much time it will take him/her.

• Visit the lunchroom and have the your son/daughter learn how to navigate the lunchroom, where to sit, and the rules of the lunchroom (e.g., going through the lunch line, sitting down in the lunchroom, etc.). Work with the staff to develop a social narrative or visual task analysis if needed.

• Ask the school to identify key people or identify a mentor the student can contact if she/he is having a difficult time adjusting or understanding a certain situation. Ask for the name and contact information for this person. This is especially important if your son/daughter is in middle or high school.

• If possible, obtain pictures of your student’s teachers, staff, bus driver, cafeteria workers, etc.

• Classmates of the new student also may need information. This should be provided in a respectful manner and without stigmatizing the student on the autism spectrum. Talk to the teacher about how classmates will be informed. IRCA has articles that can help with educating elementary and secondary age students at http://www.iidc.indiana.edu/index.php?pageId=3567.

• At the very beginning of the new school year, establish methods and a schedule for communicating between home and school. Suggestions for maintaining ongoing communication include journals, daily progress notes, mid term grades, scheduled appointments or phone calls, e-mails, informal meetings, report cards, or parent teacher conferences. Inform teachers of the method of communication that works best for you (e.g., text, e-mail, phone calls). Forms that can be used to facilitate home school communication can be found at http://www.iidc.indiana.edu/index.php?pageId=3265.

• Be clear and proactive about your expectations for the school year. When parents and school staff collaborate, your son/daughter is the ultimate winner.

• At times, rumors may circulate about your district, school, or personnel. If you hear a rumor, go to the source and have a conversation. Not everything on listservs, Facebook, and e-mails is accurate. Do not jump to judgment. Your only goal should be to ensure that all work collaboratively on behalf of your son/daughter.

The ultimate goal is to promote a successful experience for both your child and for you. By proactively and positively working with the school, challenges can be minimized and trust built.