Sometimes we have found it helpful if we have a couple of "catch phrases" to help communicate with our children....kind of a talking shorthand. We have already talked it over with them ahead of time and the kids can also use them with us....believe me, sometimes I need to be re-directed!
Stay Smooth (or Chill)
This means to take a deep breath and calm down. The situation coming up or the one you are in may be very distressing and you need to prepare yourself to "stay smooth" and not overreact.
In my mind
Know I have mentioned this before, but it bears repeating. This has been a terrific help to our family (parents included ~ ha!) There are some things you DON'T say out loud, but you can say anything you want to or need to "in your mind". This is especially helpful when someone is driving you crazy and "in my mind" I think that exactly, but do not say it to their face. Gives the child some control over a situation.
Put on my "flexible" hat
No, sorry, we don't have a special hat we can put on to help with changes we experience :) We use this BEFORE we go somewhere or attend an event where we are not sure what the agenda will be.....no set schedule of who/what/when...so you must be very flexible with your reactions and "roll with the punches" so to speak. We tell our kids "Now you need to put on your flexible hat, because we have no idea what things will be like when we get to (fill in the blank)".
Bump
This happens when something unpleasant has happened. You can ask your child if they had any "bumps" at school and how they handled them. A bump is a temporary problem similar to a speed bump in the road....yep it happens, but it is quickly over and (here's the big thing) you don't dwell on bumps....they are over and done with....no obsessing!
Do over
Kind of fits with a bump....you can make a mistake and try and repair it by a "do over". We developed this when our girl overreacted in certain situations...we would replay the conversation and allow her to "do over" her reaction to get practice on how to "typically" react.
Life Lesson
Boy do I still get these! A life lesson is usually a hard thing to learn and may be a little painful or embarrassing....but it has those qualities so you remember the lesson for LIFE! Our daughter's earliest life lesson was to NOT leave the school building because you would get locked out...yep it did happen in 1st grade when she didn't come in with the class from recess. She is now 14 and still remembers that life lesson! :)
What family "shorthand" do you use?
I will forever refer back to this:
ReplyDeleteQUIET TIME
If my son needs to take a mental break from over-stimulation, I will ask him if he needs "quiet time." He uses this time to be by himself, doing whatever he wants to calm himself. Most times, he plays with Legos, reads a book, or plays video games. If he is getting over-stimulated, he knows to ask for quiet time. It is like his own personal "Get out of Jail Free" card to escape some of those situations that he just can't make it through yet. (Everyone enjoys QUIET TIME at our house - Dad gets to watch a movie, youngest has to take a nap, oldest plays quietly, and Mom gets to do whatever she wants.) I guess we could all use some QUIET TIME every now and then.
:)
This is an awesome idea! I certainly need my quiet time too! Thanks so much for sharing!
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