Food issues

I really liked this above card!  There have been some days in the past when I felt like a short-order cook....serving everyone their own special food.  Not any more!!!

We instituted a "courtesy bite" rule (compliments of our social group suggestion).  You will get the same food as everyone at the table on your plate....maybe not the same amount, but the same type of food.  You have to take ONE bite of all the types of food.  No complaining, gagging, or vomiting.  If you do perhaps gag and vomit, you will be the one cleaning up the mess.

The above sounds a little manic and violent....it's not really....these rules can be calmly and quietly explained under the guise of "good manners".  We have found that "good manners" explain a variety of actions and reactions appropriate for social situations.  When in doubt, follow the "good manners" rule and you will find guidance in situations when you are confused.

Once the "courtesy bite" is taken, no other bite may be required.  Our fallback food was yogurt, fruit or chicken nuggets....if you didn't like any of the rest of the food. 

Our daughter has managed to overcome many, many food aversions...except to peanut butter.  She says it is just too "gooey" and "sticky".  Is it horrible that she doesn't like peanut butter....no way!  There have even been instances where we have tried toasting the bread and putting just a little bit of peanut butter on the sandwich....and she has been able to eat it.  I just had to push the envelope that little bit! ha!

Just keep in mind that for typical kiddos who are rejecting a new food, it takes them about 6 weeks of offering it DAILY to get them to accept the new food.  So you can see how our kiddos may take a little longer....so don't give up!

Our daughter used to vomit/gag whenever she just saw whipped cream.  Now she can shoot it right into her mouth from the can....just like her father!  You gotta love some role models! :)

I love Michelle Garcia Winner's blog and website....one of her newest products can be found here .  It is a game called "Should I or Shouldn't I? What Would Others Think?" by Dominique Baudry. 

Even if you don't play the game, the cards provide great conversation starters for your child.  "My feet are hot in class.  Should I take off my shoes and socks at my desk?"  This is awesome for social groups or simply to play with your family. 

Sorry I have been off the grid for awhile.....oldest daughter is going through college applications, scholarship applications, and essays.  All her extra work and effort and paying dividends...she is two for two for full tuition and extras.  Hasn't decided where she will land yet, but it will be local!

Remember that spring is around the corner....no, really it is!!!

 

As you may know, I am the mom of two teenage daughters, 17 & 15.  Notice how tired I am as I write that sentence :)

I am always looking for ways to start conversations on important topics and share with our girls our perspective on situations in their lives, and this is a pretty good place to start.

The six most important decisions are: (quoted from page 4 of the book)

1. School.  What are you going to do about your education?
2. Friends.  What type of friends will you choose and what kind of friend will you be?
3. Parents.  Are you going to get along with your parents?
4. Dating and Sex.  Who will you date and what will you do about sex?
5. Addictions.  What will you do about smoking, drinking, drugs, and other addictive stuff?
6. Self-Worth.  Will you choose to like yourself?

The pages are filled with cartoons, quizzes, and stories.  It is an interesting and inviting read and yes, does go into detail about sex and STD's....but in a very matter of fact way.  My 15 year old shared she may be interested in dating (and no I didn't see THAT coming!) a conversation that was prompted by a quiz she took in the book.  Luckily, the mom response to that little tidbit was "I don't think so!" :) ha!  As stated on one of the pages in the Parent chapter..."parents don't always have to have a reason".

Anyway, it runs about $12 or so at Amazon and you might be able to get it from your local library.  Let me know what you think and if you have found any other books you like!

Got Kids?

Do you have other children in your family? Are they older or younger than your child with autism?  I have a daughter that is 2 years older than my daughter with autism. (yep, two in diapers...I can hear your eye roll).  So I did have a "typical" child first and still missed the autism signs (loss of language, no eye contact, no pointing....to mention just a few)  But then so did my pediatrician, but that is a future entry on this blog :)

For some folks having a typical child first does highlight some differences in the development of their younger child.  And if your older child is the child on the spectrum, sometimes the younger siblings can be a helper to them too. 

We used the phrase "your sister needs help using her words" to explain our behavior modeling/conversation....it was easier than trying to explain autism, or PDD, NOS.

When our girls were older and aware of the autism diagnosis, we still had to remind our older daughter why her sister overly reacted to unexpected accidents (a spilled glass of water).  She would invariably gasp wide-eyed and say "I forgot!" She was so used to and so close to her sister that she sometimes forgot that there was a disability. (parent side note: I never forget :)

So think about how your other children can be helpers to your child on the spectrum and how your child on the spectrum can enrich their siblings lives with their unique interests too.

You know I am going to say it :)...."remember to enjoy your child"....and all your children!

Article from WebMD

Early Autism Treatment Normalizes Kids' Brains

By Daniel J. DeNoon
WebMD Health News

Reviewed by Laura J. Martin, MD

Oct. 29, 2012 -- Early, intensive autism treatment improves children's brain development, a new study shows.

The treatment, dubbed Early Start Denver Model or ESDM, offers a child 20 hours a week of one-on-one treatment with a trained therapist. It also calls for many more hours of the treatment, in the form of structured play, with a parent trained in the technique.

By age 4, children given the treatment had higher IQ scores, more adaptive behavior, better coordination, and a less severe autism diagnosis than kids given the standard autism treatments offered in their communities. But that's not all, researchers Geraldine Dawson, PhD, and colleagues report.

"We jump-started and improved the responses of children's brains to social information," says Dawson, professor of psychiatry at the University of North Carolina and chief science officer at Autism Speaks.

Normal child development depends on interactions with parents and other people. Without such interactions, language and social skills do not develop.
As measured by an electroencephalogram (EEG), small children's brains show a specific pattern of activity when they look at a picture of a human face. This doesn't happen when they look at pictures of inanimate objects.

Just the reverse happens in children with autism. Their brains light up when they look at pictures of objects, but not when they look at faces. This changed dramatically in the children treated with ESDM.

"The [brains of] children who received the ESDM looked virtually identical to typical 4-year-olds," Dawson says. "The children that received the interventions normal in their communities continued to show the reversed pattern."

Changing Brain Development

The treated children weren't cured. They still had autism, Dawson says. But they are continuing to improve.

"These interventions not only alter the trajectory of behavioral development in a child with autism, but also brain development," Dawson says.

Brain development in children given a behavioral autism treatment likely means these children are learning to "work around" their autism, suggests Arthur L. Beaudet, MD, professor of molecular and human genetics, pediatrics, and molecular and cellular biology at Baylor College of Medicine, Houston.

"To the extent early intervention helps brain development, it is more likely to help by letting the brain compensate and get around the problems rather than reverse them," Beaudet says. "We do know if you damage the brain of a young child, like in an accident, the infant brain has a tremendous ability to recover and get around the problem."

Key to Autism Treatment: Start Early

Although she and her colleagues developed the ESDM treatment, Dawson is quick to point out that it's not the only effective autism treatment. The key, she says, isn't the treatment -- it's the timing.
"The important point is early diagnosis," she stresses. "By starting early, we have the best chance of providing these kids with the best possible outcomes."

One key to early diagnosis might be the EEG test used to evaluate outcomes in this study.
"There has already been published data showing these early EEG measures are detecting babies at risk of autism at 12 months of age. They have this unusual pattern of not showing a normal response to social stimuli," she says
.
The Dawson study appears in the November issue of Journal of the American Academy of Child & Adolescent Psychiatry.

I really like the above quote by Albert Einstein.  It reminds us that our kiddos do have special areas they may be gifted in....and for most of them the social arena isn't one of them.

This does not make our kids "stupid" or "slow".  What this means is that it may take them 6 weeks to embrace a new social skill instead of 10 minutes for a typical kiddo. 

These kids can achieve so much if we can put on our Sherlock Holmes hats and figure out the puzzle piece that is causing the confusion. 

When our daughter was early in diagnosis (about 4) she didn't understand how to give someone a hug.  We had to break it down step by step.  "First you look at the person with a smile on your face and make eye contact.  Then you step toward them with your arms open wide.  You gently place your arms around them and give a small squeeze.  Then you release the squeeze and step back with your arms at your side."   We had to practice each step many, many times!

With a typical kiddo you simply say...."Come give a hug" and they know instinctively how to do it!

So don't expect your little fish to climb a tree....unless you are there to give a boost!

What things have you had to break down into steps to teach your child?

Hidden Curriculum Calendar

I LOVE LOVE LOVE this calendar....we have used it since 2006.  There is one for kids and another for Teens and Older Adults.  I cannot say enough about this calendar and am sure there are other "Hidden Curriculum" items available.

Here are just a few random entries in this page-a-day format.  We had ours on the table and it provided many meal time conversations about appropriate social behavior.

Recess is a time to talk to other kids, run, walk, and play games.  It is okay to ask a teacher if you need help remembering how to try new activities, but it's not a good idea to stand by the teacher all the time at recess.

When you are talking to your teacher, don't necessarily say everything that you are thinking.  For example, if you think your teacher smells like dirty socks, it would be very rude and hurtful to say that to her.  Try to stay on one topic and ask your questions in a calm voice.

If your teacher says "Give yourselves a hand," she is telling the class to clap to congratulate themselves for doing something well.

If someone says, "That drives me crazy," that doesn't mean she is being driven anywhere.  It usually means the person is very frustrated with what is happening.

Just because something is on TV does not mean it is true.  Talk to your parents about things you see in commercials or TV programs to find out if they think those things are true.

People don't like hearing things they already know.  Instead of telling somebody something they already know, keep the idea in your head, even if you think it's important.  Later you may find a chance to share it with somebody else.

If you do not like the birthday treats being offered, that's okay.  Just say, "No, thank you." Don't ask for a different treat.  There's probably only one kind.

When you check the clock repeatedly, others will think you are bored or late.  Try to glance at the clock only occasionally and try to do it very quickly.

Aren't these fabulous?  Even thinking and talking about these daily prompts so many conversations and opportunities for your child to share with you...."oh yeah, that reminds me of what happened today...." and it is just a quick little nudge for appropriate behavior on a daily basis! :)

Remember to enjoy your child!

Survival :)

When you are in deep trouble, say nothing, and try to look like you know what you're doing. :)

Keep in mind that at times our kids need reminders to "not be the weird kid" sitting in the cafeteria, standing in line for class, sitting at their desks waiting on class to begin, riding the bus, or hanging out on the playground.

There is something to be said for being a little "self aware" and realizing that if no one else is skipping or flapping or twirling, that maybe you shouldn't be either.

Bullying and IEP's

The following is from the lastest e-newletter from "Autism Speaks". I thought since IEP's were "in the air" it might be a starting point for some things to consider for your child's IEP. Keep in mind all these are just suggestions and may be viewed as a "starting point" for conversations for parents and educators.

We have been fortunate to have benefited from suggestions our teachers made during our IEP meetings and feel all information can benefit all involved.


The IEP team, which includes the parent,can identify strategies that can be written into the IEP to help stop the bullying. It may helpful to involve the child, when appropriate, in the decision-making process. Such strategies include:

• Identifying an adult in the school who the child can report to or go to for assistance

• Determining how school staff will document and report incidents

• Allowing the child to leave class early to avoid hallway incidents

•Holding separate in-services for school staff and classroom peers to help them understand a child’s disability

•Educating peers about school district policies on bullying behavior

•Ensuring regular reassurance from the school staff to the student that he or
she has a “right to be safe” and that the bullying is not his or her fault

•Shadowing by school staff of the student who has been bullied. Shadowing could be done in hallways, classrooms, and playgrounds.

•Holding separate in-services for school staff and classroom peers to help them understand the child’s disability

When talking with your child’s IEP team, consider what strategies, with those listed above as a guideline for ideas, that might be effective for them to address bullying.

Haircuts

How does your child do with haircuts? Some of our kids are really bothered by the idea of having someone around their heads with scissors...AND cutting pieces of their hair off!

We found that for early childhood haircuts, we traveled to Cookie Cutters where our daughters could watch videos while getting their hair cut. That seemed to settle them down as they focused on their favorite Sesame Street show.

We also found that if we got a doll and had our daughters practice washing, drying and yes, cutting the doll hair...it helped them practice the skills that would be practiced on them.

We also practiced with the hairdryer on a lower setting and sometimes (early on) had to just let the hair "air dry" without the aid of a noisy dryer.

If haircuts are a huge deal, practice just having your child walk in to the salon. Next trip they sit in a chair...next trip have the stylist drape the cover on them as they sit in the chair...you get the idea...baby steps with huge praise for each one mastered. Keep in mind it takes our kids longer to become accustomed to things....but THEY CAN DO IT!

I love this quote from Dolly Parton: "I'm not offended by all the dumb-blonde jokes because I know that I'm not dumb. I also know I'm not blonde." :) Have a wonderful day!

St. Patrick's Day!

Just a quick post today....knowing St. Patrick's Day is coming up on Saturday. When my girls were in elementary school, sometimes during lunch when they would be in the cafeteria, a leprechaun would have visited their room and left little presents for them.

For most kids this would be tremendous fun....for some of our kiddos, it was scary to think that a little man wearing green was wandering around and messing with their desk. Teachers, please keep in mind that while this is a delightful little surprise you do for the class, some kiddos might need a little more explanation.

As our girls got older we had to explain that it was okay if you forgot to wear something green on St. Patrick's Day....and no one had the right to "pinch" you if you didn't. Likewise, you were NOT to pinch someone who was not wearing green.

THEN as they got even older, we had to explain that "Erin Go Braugh" did NOT mean for someone named Erin to remove her bra, but rather it meant roughly "Ireland Forever".

Now, go put on something green, leave your bra on and enjoy your child! Oh, and "Erin Go Braugh"! :)

Chat Packs for KIDS!

We don't want the younger kiddos to feel that they are left out! Also these could be used during social groups, lunch bunches. Not to mention teachers can use them for classroom activities...woo hoo!

Here are some examples:

How do you imagine that you will look physically when you are 21?

If you had to choose between exploring outer space or the bottom of the deepest ocean, which one would you chose?

If you got a parrot for a pet, what phrase above all others would you be sure to teach the beaked blabbermouth to say?

If you could've been born on any holiday, which holiday would you choose?

We have used these on car trips and also taken them with us when we go out to eat...sometimes it IS possible to replace the cell phones/electronic games and actually interact while you are waiting on your food :) Remember to enjoy your child!

Chat Packs

Have you seen these before? They make a couple types of them and this could be used for older teens and adults.

I think they are about $10 and I found mine at a local Hallmark store actually. There are about 156 cards in each box.

Here are some examples of conversation starters:

"What is your favorite saying or quotation?"

"What is the best $100 you spent in your life?"

"On a scale of one to ten (with one being not at all and ten being very much so), how superstituous are you?"

"If you were making a list of the five things (not people) that make you hapiest in your life, what five things would you write down?"

"What is the most interesting course you have taken in school? On the other hand, what is the most boring course you have ever taken in school?"

As you can see, they are can be pretty light hearted and spark conversations. Our job is to make sure our kids know when it is appropriate to introduce a conversation starter like these.

You could say, "Hey check out these fun questions I found" and then proceed with the question, making sure there is a lull in conversation, you are making eye contact with your friends and that you are smiling because these should be fun!

Parenting Through to Adulthood

Hello Parents AND Educators! In the next few years there is going to be a tsunami of kiddos on the spectrum coming of age....and that is the next area to be explored.

Much like the "Boomer Generation" coming of age when there weren't enough pediatricians (now there are) to today when there aren't enough gerontologists. We need to start planning on the future for our kids when they are 13, 14 or 15!

I cannot take credit for this next post.....I am passing along wonderful information from Michelle Garcia Winner and her site: www.socialthinking.com. She has developed a series of articles on teens and adults with Aspergers that are a wealth of gold.

Here is her first article: "Parenting Through to Adulthood". I will try and link to the article directly:

http://www.socialthinking.com/what-is-social-thinking/michelles-blog/352-parenting-through-to-adulthood

Her information is pragmatic and you can pick and choose what will fit your individual situation and family. I will continue to have links for her other articles over the next few Mondays.

Happy Reading!

Overreact

o·ver·re·act

intr.v. o·ver·re·act·ed, o·ver·re·act·ing, o·ver·re·acts

To react with unnecessary or inappropriate force, emotional display, or violence

When my eldest daughter was in first grade, she came home soooo very proud as the class had been discussing animals and their characteristics.

“MOM! I KNOW exactly what animal you are! We talked about it in class today!”

My slightly embarrassed and yet thrilled reaction was to think “aww, bet it is a soft cuddly bunny or a sweet little puppy” Guess again....

“A WEASEL! Wanna know why? Because a weasel has no patience, will fight to the death to protect its young and is pretty funny looking.”

She does still live in this house and has suffered no ill effects from her all knowing pronouncement. (Although in my defense of appearance, I was sleep deprived, and in the beginning of the autism diagnosis of her younger sister)

I sometimes overreact. There I said it. I overreact; sometimes internally and heaven help those around me, sometimes externally. Often enough that it has become a family catch phrase “going weasel”. (this means look out, mom’s about to blow!)

We need to try to explain to our kids that sometimes their autism causes them to overreact to sensations/noises/lights/textures/smells that typical folks handle just fine. Sometimes it is "escalating" much too quickly, and sometimes it is just the level of reaction. Both can draw unwanted attention and appear as "atypical" or "bad" behavior.

The key is to NOT overreact -- or teach your child to recognize when they are overreacting and help them "reel it in". We used the story of the boy who cried wolf. If you continue to overreact to small things, how will we know when something really huge is bothering you and worthy of an overreaction? We have also used the "what do you really think this situation is on a scale of 1 to 10?" approach. Examples of a "worthy" 8 or 10 might help. We have fewer and fewer "8 and above" now. The Yellowstone Volcano erupting would be a 10. Spilling a glass of milk ...1 or 2!

Help your child by showing how YOU react when things don’t go as expected, or a loud noise startles you....they can practice what their reactions should be.

My children now practice NOT “going weasel” :) Now if they can....surely there is hope for me?

Valentine's Day

When our kids were in elementary school, they had a party on to celebrate Valentine's Day. Don't know if that is still the case now.

Seems like there aren't enough hours in the day for teachers to teach without an interruption for a party, convocation, in-service meetings, etc.

SOOOO, if your classroom is still having class parties, what can be done to help your child have fun during the party?

Some things to consider:

NOISE: Does loud noise bother your child or do they just block it out? Maybe they could attend the party for a short time and then head to the library or resource room for a break?

FOOD: Some kiddos can't tolerate different candies, textures, flavors. Maybe you can find out ahead of time if there will be a treat and what it is. Sometimes you can send in your child's own treat for them to enjoy.

GAMES:

Again, a parent disclaimer....I hate school games, especially when I (as classroom parent/helper) have to come up with them. Make sure the games can be easily explained and aren't too difficult for your child to understand or participate in. With competitive games, the pressure can be overwhelming, especially if your child is the one that doesn't help the team win!

And finally....VALENTINES:

See if you can get a class list ahead of time to help address the valentines. Some teachers just suggest sending 30 valentines with no "to" names and your child's name written in the "from". This helps our kiddos who might have poor motor skills and all the extra writing may seem like extra homework! So you might actually be the one doing some of the writing...and that's ok! :)

A Big THANK YOU!!!

Thank you to the Worthington School District for hosting my lecture last January 24, Tuesday evening, "Thinking Outside the Box"! A special thank you to Dr. Toler, who made all the arrangements....your parents and teachers are very lucky to have you!

You made me feel very welcome and I enjoyed meeting so many parents, educators and bus drivers! Please continue to explore this blog and share any new information or tips you might have!

Remember, we all are an experiment of one!

Bullying

This is a subject we all dread and fear....what if our kids are bullied. How should they respond? How should WE respond?

Fortunately, we have had just a few incidents of bullying and the situation didn't escalate. So please understand I am just again a parent offering some tips of what has worked for us.

In grade school, when our kids were called names (you are so stupid, weird, whatever) their response was always "SO?" A quick little two letter word that pretty well stumped the would be bully. We then told them to just walk away (if on the playground).

In middle school we emailed/called the teacher and made them aware of the situation if it was occurring during class. Sometimes it could be alleviated by a quick seating chart change...let's face it....we all don't get along with everyone...some folks are just like oil and water.

In junior high our guidance counselor offered this solution (because I was in need of being talked off the ledge worrying about what junior high would be like). She provided a laminated pass to our daughter to be kept in her pencil pouch. Anytime she felt bullied or unsafe, she was to pull out the pass and give it to the teacher saying "I forgot I have an appointment with (guidance counselor) and need to go".

The teacher would then let our child out of class/lunch/wherever with no questions asked. Our child was to head directly to the guidance office where the counselor would email the teacher once the situation had been explained and sorted out.

We have NEVER had to use this in 7th and so far, not in 8th grade. Probably was more for my peace of mind, not our daughter's.

As we prepare for our IEP transition to high school (again, I am climbing up on the ledge :) I will definitely be considering asking for a similar pass to be allowed....so I can climb down to safety :)

What has worked for you?

Bumper Stickers

One of my favorites is:
AUTISM: IT'S NOT LIKE YOU THINK :)

Here are a few others....please note, Tips4Autism doesn't necessarily agree with these, but they are worth a look.....

Had to throw in this last one "just because" .... you all know who you are! Remember to enjoy your kids!

Family Short Hand

Sometimes we have found it helpful if we have a couple of "catch phrases" to help communicate with our children....kind of a talking shorthand. We have already talked it over with them ahead of time and the kids can also use them with us....believe me, sometimes I need to be re-directed!

Stay Smooth (or Chill)
This means to take a deep breath and calm down. The situation coming up or the one you are in may be very distressing and you need to prepare yourself to "stay smooth" and not overreact.

In my mind
Know I have mentioned this before, but it bears repeating. This has been a terrific help to our family (parents included ~ ha!) There are some things you DON'T say out loud, but you can say anything you want to or need to "in your mind". This is especially helpful when someone is driving you crazy and "in my mind" I think that exactly, but do not say it to their face. Gives the child some control over a situation.

Put on my "flexible" hat
No, sorry, we don't have a special hat we can put on to help with changes we experience :) We use this BEFORE we go somewhere or attend an event where we are not sure what the agenda will be.....no set schedule of who/what/when...so you must be very flexible with your reactions and "roll with the punches" so to speak. We tell our kids "Now you need to put on your flexible hat, because we have no idea what things will be like when we get to (fill in the blank)".

Bump
This happens when something unpleasant has happened. You can ask your child if they had any "bumps" at school and how they handled them. A bump is a temporary problem similar to a speed bump in the road....yep it happens, but it is quickly over and (here's the big thing) you don't dwell on bumps....they are over and done with....no obsessing!

Do over
Kind of fits with a bump....you can make a mistake and try and repair it by a "do over". We developed this when our girl overreacted in certain situations...we would replay the conversation and allow her to "do over" her reaction to get practice on how to "typically" react.

Life Lesson
Boy do I still get these! A life lesson is usually a hard thing to learn and may be a little painful or embarrassing....but it has those qualities so you remember the lesson for LIFE! Our daughter's earliest life lesson was to NOT leave the school building because you would get locked out...yep it did happen in 1st grade when she didn't come in with the class from recess. She is now 14 and still remembers that life lesson! :)

What family "shorthand" do you use?