Happy New Year!

New Year resolutions seem to focus on self improvement.  I think we as parents of kiddos on the spectrum need to make a resolution to take care of ourselves and be kind to ourselves. 

No judging, no feeling inadequate, no comparing yourself to others allowed!

Try to get some sleep (and yes, naps count!) There is no shame in getting a few zzzz's while the kids watch a video....sometimes videos are are best friends and saving grace :)

Try to keep hydrated....you'd be surprised how much better you feel when you have enough water...our oldest daughter has discovered that water helps her focus and have energy.

How about a fast food dinner or even a "breakfast" dinner with cereal for the meal?

How about having an entire day where you just enjoy your kiddos and let them play with what they want and have a fun day?

Take a pause and remember how far your child has come from where they started and that this is a process....not an overnight time of growth/improvement.

Over this holiday we just taught our girls  how to play euchre (a big card game in Indiana!)  Our fun discovery is that our 15 year old daughter on the spectrum is a risk taker when it comes to playing cards and is learning "trash talk" as well.  Let me just say that she and her sister have beaten the parents the last two evenings and seeing her laugh and enjoy herself is a gift itself.

What do you do to take care of yourself?

Have a wonderful 2013 and thanks for all the support!

Got Kids?

Do you have other children in your family? Are they older or younger than your child with autism?  I have a daughter that is 2 years older than my daughter with autism. (yep, two in diapers...I can hear your eye roll).  So I did have a "typical" child first and still missed the autism signs (loss of language, no eye contact, no pointing....to mention just a few)  But then so did my pediatrician, but that is a future entry on this blog :)

For some folks having a typical child first does highlight some differences in the development of their younger child.  And if your older child is the child on the spectrum, sometimes the younger siblings can be a helper to them too. 

We used the phrase "your sister needs help using her words" to explain our behavior modeling/conversation....it was easier than trying to explain autism, or PDD, NOS.

When our girls were older and aware of the autism diagnosis, we still had to remind our older daughter why her sister overly reacted to unexpected accidents (a spilled glass of water).  She would invariably gasp wide-eyed and say "I forgot!" She was so used to and so close to her sister that she sometimes forgot that there was a disability. (parent side note: I never forget :)

So think about how your other children can be helpers to your child on the spectrum and how your child on the spectrum can enrich their siblings lives with their unique interests too.

You know I am going to say it :)...."remember to enjoy your child"....and all your children!

Bullying

How to help your child with Bullying and being an "Upstander" instead of a bystander!


The above link is going to take you to a wonderful site full of information for your child who may be bullied and for the friend who may see someone being bullied.

It has resources for teachers and parents and I would put more information here, but the link says it all. 

I really like the above quote by Albert Einstein.  It reminds us that our kiddos do have special areas they may be gifted in....and for most of them the social arena isn't one of them.

This does not make our kids "stupid" or "slow".  What this means is that it may take them 6 weeks to embrace a new social skill instead of 10 minutes for a typical kiddo. 

These kids can achieve so much if we can put on our Sherlock Holmes hats and figure out the puzzle piece that is causing the confusion. 

When our daughter was early in diagnosis (about 4) she didn't understand how to give someone a hug.  We had to break it down step by step.  "First you look at the person with a smile on your face and make eye contact.  Then you step toward them with your arms open wide.  You gently place your arms around them and give a small squeeze.  Then you release the squeeze and step back with your arms at your side."   We had to practice each step many, many times!

With a typical kiddo you simply say...."Come give a hug" and they know instinctively how to do it!

So don't expect your little fish to climb a tree....unless you are there to give a boost!

What things have you had to break down into steps to teach your child?

That time of the month

Now I realize that current statistics show the boys more than girls are affected with autism.  So sometimes areas special to girls aren't always addressed as widely.... not that I am complaining, just explaining the purpose of this post.  That being said....here goes:

If you have a daughter, you will at some point in time be addressing menstruation :)

Explain to your daughter that EVERY female will get her period.  It is part of becoming a woman and being able to have babies.  It is a good thing to have your period no matter how annoying it can be at times.

Show her pads and tampons and let her feel them and see what they are like.  PRIOR to her period starting (even a year or so!), have her wear a pad in her underwear so she can see what it feels like.  Have her practice removing the pad from its packet and placing it on her pants the right way.  Explain that it will need to be changed EVERY time she goes to the bathroom.  Show her how to "wrap" her used pad in toilet paper before throwing it away.....NOT flushed!

Buy some inexpensive underwear and keep extras in a pouch in her locker at school.  We also kept some in the nurse's office at school too in case of an "accident" or starting their period at school unprepared.  If the underwear gets too stained....throw it away!  That's fine to do!

Wear dark colored pants during your period.  If  there is an "accident" and some staining appears on your pants, you can always tie a dark sweatshirt around your waist to help cover you up until you can get to the nurse.

Keep tampon or pads in a little pouch in your gym locker, school locker or backpack.  You don't always know when your period will happen, so it is good to always be prepared.

DON'T talk about your period with BOYS.  It is a girl only thing and somewhat private.  You do NOT announce to the class that you have started your period and need to go to the bathroom.  You can always go privately to your teacher and tell them you need to go to the bathroom.  If you have a male teacher and are embarrassed to tell them you started your period...simply say you have a stomach ache and need to see the nurse.

Explain about PMS, becoming grouchy, craving chocolate and how sometimes ibuprofen is your best friend when you are having cramps.

I am sure there are hundreds of more ideas and tips you can add to this small list.  These have worked for us so far.  After living in a house with three women, my husband says he didn't realize how toxic estrogen was! :) hahaha!  Remember to enjoy your child!

Happy Easter!

Sabbatical :)

I will be "going dark" for a this week while we have some family fun :) Remember to enjoy your child! (And THAT's no April Fool!)

Haircuts

How does your child do with haircuts? Some of our kids are really bothered by the idea of having someone around their heads with scissors...AND cutting pieces of their hair off!

We found that for early childhood haircuts, we traveled to Cookie Cutters where our daughters could watch videos while getting their hair cut. That seemed to settle them down as they focused on their favorite Sesame Street show.

We also found that if we got a doll and had our daughters practice washing, drying and yes, cutting the doll hair...it helped them practice the skills that would be practiced on them.

We also practiced with the hairdryer on a lower setting and sometimes (early on) had to just let the hair "air dry" without the aid of a noisy dryer.

If haircuts are a huge deal, practice just having your child walk in to the salon. Next trip they sit in a chair...next trip have the stylist drape the cover on them as they sit in the chair...you get the idea...baby steps with huge praise for each one mastered. Keep in mind it takes our kids longer to become accustomed to things....but THEY CAN DO IT!

I love this quote from Dolly Parton: "I'm not offended by all the dumb-blonde jokes because I know that I'm not dumb. I also know I'm not blonde." :) Have a wonderful day!

Chat Packs for KIDS!

We don't want the younger kiddos to feel that they are left out! Also these could be used during social groups, lunch bunches. Not to mention teachers can use them for classroom activities...woo hoo!

Here are some examples:

How do you imagine that you will look physically when you are 21?

If you had to choose between exploring outer space or the bottom of the deepest ocean, which one would you chose?

If you got a parrot for a pet, what phrase above all others would you be sure to teach the beaked blabbermouth to say?

If you could've been born on any holiday, which holiday would you choose?

We have used these on car trips and also taken them with us when we go out to eat...sometimes it IS possible to replace the cell phones/electronic games and actually interact while you are waiting on your food :) Remember to enjoy your child!

Chat Packs

Have you seen these before? They make a couple types of them and this could be used for older teens and adults.

I think they are about $10 and I found mine at a local Hallmark store actually. There are about 156 cards in each box.

Here are some examples of conversation starters:

"What is your favorite saying or quotation?"

"What is the best $100 you spent in your life?"

"On a scale of one to ten (with one being not at all and ten being very much so), how superstituous are you?"

"If you were making a list of the five things (not people) that make you hapiest in your life, what five things would you write down?"

"What is the most interesting course you have taken in school? On the other hand, what is the most boring course you have ever taken in school?"

As you can see, they are can be pretty light hearted and spark conversations. Our job is to make sure our kids know when it is appropriate to introduce a conversation starter like these.

You could say, "Hey check out these fun questions I found" and then proceed with the question, making sure there is a lull in conversation, you are making eye contact with your friends and that you are smiling because these should be fun!

Parenting Through to Adulthood

Hello Parents AND Educators! In the next few years there is going to be a tsunami of kiddos on the spectrum coming of age....and that is the next area to be explored.

Much like the "Boomer Generation" coming of age when there weren't enough pediatricians (now there are) to today when there aren't enough gerontologists. We need to start planning on the future for our kids when they are 13, 14 or 15!

I cannot take credit for this next post.....I am passing along wonderful information from Michelle Garcia Winner and her site: www.socialthinking.com. She has developed a series of articles on teens and adults with Aspergers that are a wealth of gold.

Here is her first article: "Parenting Through to Adulthood". I will try and link to the article directly:

http://www.socialthinking.com/what-is-social-thinking/michelles-blog/352-parenting-through-to-adulthood

Her information is pragmatic and you can pick and choose what will fit your individual situation and family. I will continue to have links for her other articles over the next few Mondays.

Happy Reading!

Overreact

o·ver·re·act

intr.v. o·ver·re·act·ed, o·ver·re·act·ing, o·ver·re·acts

To react with unnecessary or inappropriate force, emotional display, or violence

When my eldest daughter was in first grade, she came home soooo very proud as the class had been discussing animals and their characteristics.

“MOM! I KNOW exactly what animal you are! We talked about it in class today!”

My slightly embarrassed and yet thrilled reaction was to think “aww, bet it is a soft cuddly bunny or a sweet little puppy” Guess again....

“A WEASEL! Wanna know why? Because a weasel has no patience, will fight to the death to protect its young and is pretty funny looking.”

She does still live in this house and has suffered no ill effects from her all knowing pronouncement. (Although in my defense of appearance, I was sleep deprived, and in the beginning of the autism diagnosis of her younger sister)

I sometimes overreact. There I said it. I overreact; sometimes internally and heaven help those around me, sometimes externally. Often enough that it has become a family catch phrase “going weasel”. (this means look out, mom’s about to blow!)

We need to try to explain to our kids that sometimes their autism causes them to overreact to sensations/noises/lights/textures/smells that typical folks handle just fine. Sometimes it is "escalating" much too quickly, and sometimes it is just the level of reaction. Both can draw unwanted attention and appear as "atypical" or "bad" behavior.

The key is to NOT overreact -- or teach your child to recognize when they are overreacting and help them "reel it in". We used the story of the boy who cried wolf. If you continue to overreact to small things, how will we know when something really huge is bothering you and worthy of an overreaction? We have also used the "what do you really think this situation is on a scale of 1 to 10?" approach. Examples of a "worthy" 8 or 10 might help. We have fewer and fewer "8 and above" now. The Yellowstone Volcano erupting would be a 10. Spilling a glass of milk ...1 or 2!

Help your child by showing how YOU react when things don’t go as expected, or a loud noise startles you....they can practice what their reactions should be.

My children now practice NOT “going weasel” :) Now if they can....surely there is hope for me?

Family Short Hand

Sometimes we have found it helpful if we have a couple of "catch phrases" to help communicate with our children....kind of a talking shorthand. We have already talked it over with them ahead of time and the kids can also use them with us....believe me, sometimes I need to be re-directed!

Stay Smooth (or Chill)
This means to take a deep breath and calm down. The situation coming up or the one you are in may be very distressing and you need to prepare yourself to "stay smooth" and not overreact.

In my mind
Know I have mentioned this before, but it bears repeating. This has been a terrific help to our family (parents included ~ ha!) There are some things you DON'T say out loud, but you can say anything you want to or need to "in your mind". This is especially helpful when someone is driving you crazy and "in my mind" I think that exactly, but do not say it to their face. Gives the child some control over a situation.

Put on my "flexible" hat
No, sorry, we don't have a special hat we can put on to help with changes we experience :) We use this BEFORE we go somewhere or attend an event where we are not sure what the agenda will be.....no set schedule of who/what/when...so you must be very flexible with your reactions and "roll with the punches" so to speak. We tell our kids "Now you need to put on your flexible hat, because we have no idea what things will be like when we get to (fill in the blank)".

Bump
This happens when something unpleasant has happened. You can ask your child if they had any "bumps" at school and how they handled them. A bump is a temporary problem similar to a speed bump in the road....yep it happens, but it is quickly over and (here's the big thing) you don't dwell on bumps....they are over and done with....no obsessing!

Do over
Kind of fits with a bump....you can make a mistake and try and repair it by a "do over". We developed this when our girl overreacted in certain situations...we would replay the conversation and allow her to "do over" her reaction to get practice on how to "typically" react.

Life Lesson
Boy do I still get these! A life lesson is usually a hard thing to learn and may be a little painful or embarrassing....but it has those qualities so you remember the lesson for LIFE! Our daughter's earliest life lesson was to NOT leave the school building because you would get locked out...yep it did happen in 1st grade when she didn't come in with the class from recess. She is now 14 and still remembers that life lesson! :)

What family "shorthand" do you use?

New Year's Resolutions

Well normally my toast at this time of year is "May your troubles last as long as your New Year's resolutions!"

I think a better time of year is in August or September...when school starts. Something about buying back to school clothes, a new schedule and routines brings along a freshness to the year.

However in the spirit of the day here are some musings:

Have Patience

Yea, yea, you are thinking...I know I should be more patient with the kids. Well, how about YOURSELF? We as parents are super critical of ourselves and have such high expectations of all we should be doing for our kiddos....stop it! Let's resolve to give ourselves a break! We have good intentions and are trying our best and by golly that counts for a whole heck of a lot!

Delegate One Task

Doesn't have to be a huge task....maybe something that is little and just niggling at the back of your mind. Mine is emptying the trash....my youngest (14) is in charge of emptying the trash. Upstairs and downstairs, bathrooms and kitchen....all I have to do is ask for her to do her "job" and voila! it is empty. Before you become green with envy...still working on her actually putting her clothes in the dresser and not continually getting dressed from neatly stacked laundry on her bedroom floor. :)

Do Nothing Night

Pick one night a week to "do nothing". Order in food or have an OYO (on your own) night for food where everyone forages through the pantry/refrigerator and eats whatever they want. Don't pick up the toys (that is what tomorrow is for) no laundry, or housecleaning....just chill.

Eliminate Dreaded Holiday Tasks

Sorry this one is late for this year, maybe you can implement it next December :) I have a delightful best friend who is a wrapping paper ninja...her gifts are beautifully wrapped in exquisite detail....I do well not to have mangled tape and wrinkled paper (hence my use of gift bags :) Tired of sending holiday cards....don't.....skip a year. Some folks can't get the job done before Christmas and send New Year's cards instead. If you enjoy something, keep it...if not....set if free and hopefully it won't come back to you. (referencing the old adage of "if you love something.....)

30 Minutes

Take 30 minutes a day for yourself....even if it is sitting alone in your car in quiet solitude. At one point in my life I asked if someone could come in the bathroom and look at me because I didn't think I could pee if I was alone :) Seriously, it will help provide a calming and centering if you can just sit quietly in stillness. Not your thing? Put on some music and jam! Just do something for yourself for 30 minutes....heck some days I was happy with 10!

Please have a healthy and happy 2012 filled with much love and laughter. Remember, love may make the world go round, but laughter keeps us from jumping off!

What are some of your resolutions for 2012? (if any ;)

Thank you!

I will be "going dark" until next year.....2012 :) Will be celebrating with friends and family and trying to be "in the moment" and enjoying our time together.

One favorite tradition we have is the girls get to open one present Christmas eve....and it's always a new pair of pajamas....so everyone looks fabulous in the pictures of Christmas day. I am the one behind the camera ha!

What traditions do you have in your family?

Please have wonderful holiday and thanks for reading and leaving comments on this newbie blog. Hopefully 2012 will be filled with health and happiness and peace for all.

Here's a joke for all of your kiddos on the spectrum....they will truly appreciate it!

What comes at the end of Christmas Day?

The letter "y" :)

Remember to enjoy your child!

Winter Break from School

Our girls LOVE to have their "jammie days". They get up, brush teeth (THAT part of cleanliness is mandatory:) and proceed to be, as my hubby says "lazy bums".

Sometimes it is good to just have a kick back day to recharge batteries and relax....eat some junk food, or have a meal where the menu is "OYO" (on your own). An OYO meal can be anything your kids want, except a piece of fruit or a veggie had to be part of the food eaten....slipping a little bit of nutrition.

When our girls were smaller, we had a special box in the pantry that held all their "approved" snacks....fruit cups, granola, snack crackers, graham crackers...you get the idea. We also had a drawer in the refrigerator that had food that was also parent approved. This made OYO meals a little more fun for them as they could be the "boss" and choose their menu, but knew it was still okay with mom and dad.

I think as parents, we too need our "jammie days". Sometimes you need to take a break from pushing soooo hard on therapies and proper social interaction and physical activity. Winter break from school may be just the time to hang out and enjoy our kids and catch up on our TV shows :)

So leave that Puritan guilt at the door, take a deep breath, ignore all the housework, laundry, chores and lists of obligations and relax.....after, of course, you have brushed your teeth!

12 Days of Christmas Preparation - Day 11

So far on this almost completed 12 day journey of Christmas preparation tips I have focused on preparing the kids on the spectrum.

May I suggest another group to be prepared?

Extended family and friends....yep, those folks who may think if you spank your child the autism will go away. Thankfully we never ran into that problem and have over the top supportive parents, family and friends.

However, not everyone is as informed or knowledgeable as you are about your child and what they need, so in order to be fair to all involved....don't expect them to act differently if they don't know what to do (family and friends that is ;)

You might have to send an email or have a casual conversation ahead of a visit. Share with them that some sounds might upset your child. Maybe they don't like to be hugged or kissed. Is there a quiet room they can go into if they need a break? Your child may need some different food than everyone else and you will be happy to bring it along. Are there animals in the house? Will they be put up or at a kennel? Explain that although it is fun for everyone to be together, sometimes your child will need to be alone to play a video game or read a book, etc.

Our kids really enjoy repetitive tasks like stringing popcorn or beads....if the weather is accommodating, maybe a short walk or swing set visit would be a good break.

And most of all try to keep yourself calm....your child will pick up on your tense emotions. Try and keep the visit short and remember it is only a few hours and will be over soon enough.

Remember, the only thing normal in this house is the setting on the dryer! :)

What has worked well for you and your family?