We have talked with our daughters (15 & 17) about the Sandy Hook Elementary tragedy.  We have explained that all the facts are not yet known.  And we have been especially mindful of early reports that the perpetrator had an Aspergers diagnosis.

We have explained to our daughter on the spectrum (15 years old) that the diagnosis did NOT mean all people with this diagnosis were so horribly violent.

She quickly replied, "Well I know that!  He was a sick person, and being autistic doesn't mean you will hurt people."

Guess there's nothing else to add.....

Remember to enjoy your child!

Since I am still relatively new to blogging, I have been experimenting with writing my posts several weeks in advance and setting the "automatic post" option.  Needless to say, my now deleted post was written several weeks ago and I had forgotten about the topic through the course of these last few days.  I am sorry.  Perhaps posting "in the moment" has its advantages.

 

"The more I learn about people, the more I like my dog"

Mark Twain

 

 



Got Kids?

Do you have other children in your family? Are they older or younger than your child with autism?  I have a daughter that is 2 years older than my daughter with autism. (yep, two in diapers...I can hear your eye roll).  So I did have a "typical" child first and still missed the autism signs (loss of language, no eye contact, no pointing....to mention just a few)  But then so did my pediatrician, but that is a future entry on this blog :)

For some folks having a typical child first does highlight some differences in the development of their younger child.  And if your older child is the child on the spectrum, sometimes the younger siblings can be a helper to them too. 

We used the phrase "your sister needs help using her words" to explain our behavior modeling/conversation....it was easier than trying to explain autism, or PDD, NOS.

When our girls were older and aware of the autism diagnosis, we still had to remind our older daughter why her sister overly reacted to unexpected accidents (a spilled glass of water).  She would invariably gasp wide-eyed and say "I forgot!" She was so used to and so close to her sister that she sometimes forgot that there was a disability. (parent side note: I never forget :)

So think about how your other children can be helpers to your child on the spectrum and how your child on the spectrum can enrich their siblings lives with their unique interests too.

You know I am going to say it :)...."remember to enjoy your child"....and all your children!

Calming Fidgets

 

 

About this time of year we all need a little calming.  For some of our kiddos a hand held video game is all they need.  However, in certain circumstances (or at school!) they need to find another way to help their anxiety settle.

 

I have found a few pictures of some fidgets that might be good stocking stuffers for your child for the holidays.  Or perhaps a new travel toy for a trip to visit relatives and friends.  You can google "fidgets for autism" and a tremendous variety appear....and here below are just a few examples.

 

 

 

 

 

What have you found that works for your child?

Thanksgiving Social Story

You can use the "story lines" from below and add any pictures you would like.  This is just a jumping off point from the site www.positivelyautism.com.

My Family's Thanksgiving

Thanksgiving is a holiday in November.

On Thanksgiving many families eat a large meal together.

At my family's Thanksgiving meal we might eat: (fill in the blanks)

At Thanksgiving some families say a prayer before they eat.  This is sometimes called "saying grace".

Some families might also tell some things they are thankful for.  This means they each say something that they like or that makes them happy.

Before we eat my family will: (fill in the blanks)

After they eat, some families will watch football on TV.

After we eat, my family will: (fill in the blanks)

Some families will meet with lots of other people in the family for Thanksgiving.

Other families have dinner with just a few people in the family.

My family will: (fill in the blanks)

To visit with family some people might need to travel.  Some will travel by car and some will travel by airplane.

My family will: (fill in blanks)

I am learning about Thanksgiving.

I hope you have a fun and thanks-filled day on "Turkey Day".  Try to take some deep breaths for yourselves and remember to enjoy your child!

Article from WebMD

Early Autism Treatment Normalizes Kids' Brains

By Daniel J. DeNoon
WebMD Health News

Reviewed by Laura J. Martin, MD

Oct. 29, 2012 -- Early, intensive autism treatment improves children's brain development, a new study shows.

The treatment, dubbed Early Start Denver Model or ESDM, offers a child 20 hours a week of one-on-one treatment with a trained therapist. It also calls for many more hours of the treatment, in the form of structured play, with a parent trained in the technique.

By age 4, children given the treatment had higher IQ scores, more adaptive behavior, better coordination, and a less severe autism diagnosis than kids given the standard autism treatments offered in their communities. But that's not all, researchers Geraldine Dawson, PhD, and colleagues report.

"We jump-started and improved the responses of children's brains to social information," says Dawson, professor of psychiatry at the University of North Carolina and chief science officer at Autism Speaks.

Normal child development depends on interactions with parents and other people. Without such interactions, language and social skills do not develop.
As measured by an electroencephalogram (EEG), small children's brains show a specific pattern of activity when they look at a picture of a human face. This doesn't happen when they look at pictures of inanimate objects.

Just the reverse happens in children with autism. Their brains light up when they look at pictures of objects, but not when they look at faces. This changed dramatically in the children treated with ESDM.

"The [brains of] children who received the ESDM looked virtually identical to typical 4-year-olds," Dawson says. "The children that received the interventions normal in their communities continued to show the reversed pattern."

Changing Brain Development

The treated children weren't cured. They still had autism, Dawson says. But they are continuing to improve.

"These interventions not only alter the trajectory of behavioral development in a child with autism, but also brain development," Dawson says.

Brain development in children given a behavioral autism treatment likely means these children are learning to "work around" their autism, suggests Arthur L. Beaudet, MD, professor of molecular and human genetics, pediatrics, and molecular and cellular biology at Baylor College of Medicine, Houston.

"To the extent early intervention helps brain development, it is more likely to help by letting the brain compensate and get around the problems rather than reverse them," Beaudet says. "We do know if you damage the brain of a young child, like in an accident, the infant brain has a tremendous ability to recover and get around the problem."

Key to Autism Treatment: Start Early

Although she and her colleagues developed the ESDM treatment, Dawson is quick to point out that it's not the only effective autism treatment. The key, she says, isn't the treatment -- it's the timing.
"The important point is early diagnosis," she stresses. "By starting early, we have the best chance of providing these kids with the best possible outcomes."

One key to early diagnosis might be the EEG test used to evaluate outcomes in this study.
"There has already been published data showing these early EEG measures are detecting babies at risk of autism at 12 months of age. They have this unusual pattern of not showing a normal response to social stimuli," she says
.
The Dawson study appears in the November issue of Journal of the American Academy of Child & Adolescent Psychiatry.

Bullying

How to help your child with Bullying and being an "Upstander" instead of a bystander!


The above link is going to take you to a wonderful site full of information for your child who may be bullied and for the friend who may see someone being bullied.

It has resources for teachers and parents and I would put more information here, but the link says it all. 

Halloween Costume Ideas!!

For October 1st I wanted to share my favorite Halloween costume idea....you will love it!  We bought a clear rounded umbrella and some iridescent streamers.  You tape pieces of the streamers around the bottom of the umbrella and voila!  You are now a JELLYFISH!!!!

Not only does it protect you from the rain during trick-or-treating, but it is a one-of-a-kind costume!!! Our daughter got a ton of compliments when she used this idea.

Here are a couple more from Real Simple magazine...could be for boy or girl!

First you get all black clothing and then you get some yellow duct tape and some stick on letters and you have a ..... SPELLING BEE!!!

Here is their suggestion for a safari outfit (you supply the khaki shorts) and then make a vest from a brown grocery sack and make the binoculars from toilet paper rolls.  Pretty darn cute!!

Once the costume has been decided upon, we practiced what to say when trick-or-treating.  We would have our daughter ring our doorbell and have her practice her "Happy Halloween" and "thank you!"  We also practiced dressing up and talking about how folks real faces were hidden by their masks and that some people enjoy pretending to be scared and scary.

What are some costume ideas you can share and how have you helped your child cope with Halloween?

I really like the above quote by Albert Einstein.  It reminds us that our kiddos do have special areas they may be gifted in....and for most of them the social arena isn't one of them.

This does not make our kids "stupid" or "slow".  What this means is that it may take them 6 weeks to embrace a new social skill instead of 10 minutes for a typical kiddo. 

These kids can achieve so much if we can put on our Sherlock Holmes hats and figure out the puzzle piece that is causing the confusion. 

When our daughter was early in diagnosis (about 4) she didn't understand how to give someone a hug.  We had to break it down step by step.  "First you look at the person with a smile on your face and make eye contact.  Then you step toward them with your arms open wide.  You gently place your arms around them and give a small squeeze.  Then you release the squeeze and step back with your arms at your side."   We had to practice each step many, many times!

With a typical kiddo you simply say...."Come give a hug" and they know instinctively how to do it!

So don't expect your little fish to climb a tree....unless you are there to give a boost!

What things have you had to break down into steps to teach your child?

Substitute Teachers

We know there are times when our regular teachers will not be able to teach our kids on some days.  When our daughter was in elementary school, it was extremely helpful if we received a phone call or email to let us know of the change in personnel so we could prepare our child.

It really threw our girl into a bit of a frazzled state when the substitute teacher didn't immediately start the math lesson at 10:10 or she taught the subjects in a different order completely.

We finally hammered home the idea that this "new" teacher was to be given the same respect as her regular teacher and if things happened at different times (or not at all!) it was NO BIG DEAL! Sometimes kids stay with babysitting grandparents....and kids are still to mind their manners and obey the rules for grandparents just like parents!

If there is any way the current teacher can leave a small note for the substitute with any special tips for your child, it also may make everyone's life a little easier.

What things do you do to prepare for substitute teachers?  Is it even a problem?

Anyway, I really thought the above cartoon was hilarious and needed a reason to share it :)

Well, school has been in session for a couple of weeks and so far, things are going pretty smoothly.  Let me share some of our "bumps" which should be worth a chuckle or two :)

When checking my daughter's (now a high school freshman) computer class grade on-line, I was shocked to see an "F" on her first test over PowerPoint.  After the test she "felt confident" she had done a good job...see, her perception of reality isn't always accurate ~ ha!

I immediately jumped on my ledge (I sometimes have to climb down from) and I sent a short email to her teacher (worded VERY nicely) to ask what we could do to help Emily do better on the next  exam and what did she think our daughter's problem might have been.  Notice I DID NOT blame the teacher, nor did I expect the teacher to email me and let me know my daughter's failing grade.  These high school teachers have about 150 kiddos per day, and as much as I would like to think mine is the only one they teach......it is a different ballgame than elementary school!

Are you sitting down?  The teacher replied back (VERY  nicely too :) and...here is the kicker.... in her opinion, our daughter rushed through the 30 questions on the computer too quickly....AND didn't use her notes or books as it was....yep you guessed it.... an open note and open book test!!!!

Are you kidding me?!!?

When I shared this information with my daughter, in a loud voice from my ledge :), she thought it would take too much time to try to look up information in the book and she thought she knew the stuff.

SO, the teacher is going to remind her that she can use her notes and book right before the test and our girl got her life lesson about rushing through the material.

If it doesn't kill us, it makes us stronger, right?  :)

Remember to enjoy your child!

That time of the month

Now I realize that current statistics show the boys more than girls are affected with autism.  So sometimes areas special to girls aren't always addressed as widely.... not that I am complaining, just explaining the purpose of this post.  That being said....here goes:

If you have a daughter, you will at some point in time be addressing menstruation :)

Explain to your daughter that EVERY female will get her period.  It is part of becoming a woman and being able to have babies.  It is a good thing to have your period no matter how annoying it can be at times.

Show her pads and tampons and let her feel them and see what they are like.  PRIOR to her period starting (even a year or so!), have her wear a pad in her underwear so she can see what it feels like.  Have her practice removing the pad from its packet and placing it on her pants the right way.  Explain that it will need to be changed EVERY time she goes to the bathroom.  Show her how to "wrap" her used pad in toilet paper before throwing it away.....NOT flushed!

Buy some inexpensive underwear and keep extras in a pouch in her locker at school.  We also kept some in the nurse's office at school too in case of an "accident" or starting their period at school unprepared.  If the underwear gets too stained....throw it away!  That's fine to do!

Wear dark colored pants during your period.  If  there is an "accident" and some staining appears on your pants, you can always tie a dark sweatshirt around your waist to help cover you up until you can get to the nurse.

Keep tampon or pads in a little pouch in your gym locker, school locker or backpack.  You don't always know when your period will happen, so it is good to always be prepared.

DON'T talk about your period with BOYS.  It is a girl only thing and somewhat private.  You do NOT announce to the class that you have started your period and need to go to the bathroom.  You can always go privately to your teacher and tell them you need to go to the bathroom.  If you have a male teacher and are embarrassed to tell them you started your period...simply say you have a stomach ache and need to see the nurse.

Explain about PMS, becoming grouchy, craving chocolate and how sometimes ibuprofen is your best friend when you are having cramps.

I am sure there are hundreds of more ideas and tips you can add to this small list.  These have worked for us so far.  After living in a house with three women, my husband says he didn't realize how toxic estrogen was! :) hahaha!  Remember to enjoy your child!

Hidden Curriculum Calendar

I LOVE LOVE LOVE this calendar....we have used it since 2006.  There is one for kids and another for Teens and Older Adults.  I cannot say enough about this calendar and am sure there are other "Hidden Curriculum" items available.

Here are just a few random entries in this page-a-day format.  We had ours on the table and it provided many meal time conversations about appropriate social behavior.

Recess is a time to talk to other kids, run, walk, and play games.  It is okay to ask a teacher if you need help remembering how to try new activities, but it's not a good idea to stand by the teacher all the time at recess.

When you are talking to your teacher, don't necessarily say everything that you are thinking.  For example, if you think your teacher smells like dirty socks, it would be very rude and hurtful to say that to her.  Try to stay on one topic and ask your questions in a calm voice.

If your teacher says "Give yourselves a hand," she is telling the class to clap to congratulate themselves for doing something well.

If someone says, "That drives me crazy," that doesn't mean she is being driven anywhere.  It usually means the person is very frustrated with what is happening.

Just because something is on TV does not mean it is true.  Talk to your parents about things you see in commercials or TV programs to find out if they think those things are true.

People don't like hearing things they already know.  Instead of telling somebody something they already know, keep the idea in your head, even if you think it's important.  Later you may find a chance to share it with somebody else.

If you do not like the birthday treats being offered, that's okay.  Just say, "No, thank you." Don't ask for a different treat.  There's probably only one kind.

When you check the clock repeatedly, others will think you are bored or late.  Try to glance at the clock only occasionally and try to do it very quickly.

Aren't these fabulous?  Even thinking and talking about these daily prompts so many conversations and opportunities for your child to share with you...."oh yeah, that reminds me of what happened today...." and it is just a quick little nudge for appropriate behavior on a daily basis! :)

Remember to enjoy your child!

Teachers are our Friends :)

"School teachers are not fully appreciated by parents until it rains all day Saturday." E.C. McKenzie

As previously stated at the left...we are from a family of educators....parents, aunts, uncles, siblings, cousins are all teachers.  My family is laughing hysterically at the amount of time I volunteer at my kids' schools saying "at least we get paid when we go to school!"

They are right, but I also know from personal experience that teachers spend a lot more time in their classrooms and pursuing continuing education than the 180 school year.

You can help your teachers in many small ways:

Send an encouraging email and share something fun your child did or said that their teacher would enjoy.

During the cold/flu season send in extra boxes of Kleenex and hand sanitizer.

Ask your teacher if they need any specific school supplies for the classroom.

How about a gift card for lunch?

Send a note to their principal to share how the teacher has helped your child and family.  Many of the best ideas to help our daughter have come from educators who think "outside the box".

We also send an "End of Year" thank you note to our daughter's teachers and share how they have helped continue her strong education foundation.

And finally from probably the most famous person on the autism spectrum, Miss Temple Grandin:

"I cannot emphasize enough the importance of a good teacher."

Remember to thank a teacher!

I am on the email list for the Indiana Resource Center for Autism.  I really thought this article had a ton of good ideas and checklists.... unfortunately since I am such a blogging rookie, I hope my "links" work....so best advice would be to copy and paste them into your search box if they don't work when you click on them :(

For Parents: Preparing for the School Year
Contributed by: Dr. Cathy Pratt, BCBA-D, Director, Indiana Resource Center for Autism

Anticipating the beginning of the school year can be a time of high anxiety for both parents and their sons or daughters. Parental concerns such as will my child be successful in the new school year both academically and socially as well as will his/her new teachers command a good understanding of autism spectrum disorders (ASD) seem magnified with all the unknowns that the new school year brings. At times, you may know staff and have a good working relationship with them. Other times, staff is unknown and expectations for your son/daughter are unclear. Below are a few tips to help you become a proactive and positive advocate for your son/daughter.

• Many teachers may not have had previous experience with students with autism spectrum disorders or may only have had experience with students quite different than your son/daughter. The Indiana Resource Center for Autism’s (IRCA) website at www.iidc.indiana.edu/irca, has several articles that can help educators better understand ASD. Topics addressed include the learning characteristics associated with ASD and teaching strategies. Parents need to proactively educate. Provide information, but do not overwhelm with educators with too much information. Identify the autism leader in you special education planning district. The list can be found at: http://www.iidc.indiana.edu/index.php?pageId=340. Your local special education district autism leader may be able to assist with training or support.

• Staff will need information about how autism impacts your son/daughter. At the end of this article is a form that you can complete and share with your child’s teachers. This form allows you to provide specific information about learning styles, communication systems, medical issues, behavior supports, and other topics. Make sure that you describe your child and not only in terms related to their ASD (e.g., sense of humor, kind, gentle, smart). Ask that information be shared with relevant staff including cafeteria workers, custodians, bus drivers, the school secretary, the school nurse, and administrators. The form is brief so as not to overwhelm staff.

• Request information about bus schedules, parent teacher organizations, and available resources (e.g., counselors, social workers, nurses).

• Before beginning the school year in a new school, work to alleviate any anxieties you or your son/ daughter may have about the new setting. Preparation for this move can be facilitated by obtaining a map of the school, a copy of his/her schedule for the fall, a copy of the student handbook and rules, and a list of clubs/extracurricular activities. Ask to take a tour with your son/daughter before the school year begins. Request a list of school supplies, locker combination, and clothes needed for physical education. Practice getting up in the mornings and eating breakfast so the student and you will know how much time it will take him/her.

• Visit the lunchroom and have the your son/daughter learn how to navigate the lunchroom, where to sit, and the rules of the lunchroom (e.g., going through the lunch line, sitting down in the lunchroom, etc.). Work with the staff to develop a social narrative or visual task analysis if needed.

• Ask the school to identify key people or identify a mentor the student can contact if she/he is having a difficult time adjusting or understanding a certain situation. Ask for the name and contact information for this person. This is especially important if your son/daughter is in middle or high school.

• If possible, obtain pictures of your student’s teachers, staff, bus driver, cafeteria workers, etc.

• Classmates of the new student also may need information. This should be provided in a respectful manner and without stigmatizing the student on the autism spectrum. Talk to the teacher about how classmates will be informed. IRCA has articles that can help with educating elementary and secondary age students at http://www.iidc.indiana.edu/index.php?pageId=3567.

• At the very beginning of the new school year, establish methods and a schedule for communicating between home and school. Suggestions for maintaining ongoing communication include journals, daily progress notes, mid term grades, scheduled appointments or phone calls, e-mails, informal meetings, report cards, or parent teacher conferences. Inform teachers of the method of communication that works best for you (e.g., text, e-mail, phone calls). Forms that can be used to facilitate home school communication can be found at http://www.iidc.indiana.edu/index.php?pageId=3265.

• Be clear and proactive about your expectations for the school year. When parents and school staff collaborate, your son/daughter is the ultimate winner.

• At times, rumors may circulate about your district, school, or personnel. If you hear a rumor, go to the source and have a conversation. Not everything on listservs, Facebook, and e-mails is accurate. Do not jump to judgment. Your only goal should be to ensure that all work collaboratively on behalf of your son/daughter.

The ultimate goal is to promote a successful experience for both your child and for you. By proactively and positively working with the school, challenges can be minimized and trust built.

School Checklist -- no supplies needed!

One of the things we have done over the years is work up a "Getting Acquainted" letter for new teachers.  We were in three different elementary schools by the time our daughter was in 3rd grade and the new teachers didn't have the luxury of walking down the hall to touch base with former teachers of our daughter.

Be sure to include things about your child NOT related to their diagnosis....favorite books, colors, food, friends, TV shows, siblings and fun facts.

When you visit the school ahead of the first official day....flush the toilets in the bathrooms...they can be really loud!

Take pictures of  the different places in the school...cafeteria, classroom, gym, library, etc.  Put together a little photo book for your child to look at .... you could even add pictures of the teachers, nurse, aides, etc.  You know if this is something your child might enjoy.

The following is from the website www.wrightslaw.com .  They have wonderful articles for teachers and parents as well.  This one is directed to parents and starting a positive relationship with teachers.

10 Tips for a Successful School Year
by Pat Howey, Advocate

Here are ten tips to help you get off to a good start at the beginning of the new school year.

1. Help Your Child Deal with Transitions.
Is your child making the transition from preschool to kindergarten, from elementary to middle school, or from middle school to high school? Plan to take your child to visit the new school or classroom before the first day of school.

2. Reread your child's IEP.
Do you understand what the school agreed to provide? Do your child's teachers understand what they are to provide? Is your child's IEP SMART? (specific, measurable, action words, realistic, and time-specific)?

3. Meet with your child's teacher(s) to discuss your child's special needs.
Take a picture of your child to the meeting. Teachers are more likely to take a personal interest in your child and remember your child's special needs if s/he has seen a picture of your child.

4. Take extra copies of your child's IEP to the meeting with the teacher(s).
Never assume that teachers have had time to read your child's IEP before school begins. Teachers have many things to do as they prepare for the first day of school. The teacher may not understand how important the IEP is to your child's success. Leave a copy of your child's IEP with each teacher.

5. Make a List of Important Things About Your Child .
Make a list of the five most important things that the teacher(s) need to know about your child. Explain why these things are vital to your child's success. Leave a copy of the list with each teacher.

6. Prepare to Deal with Potential Problems Early.
If your child is in general education classes, prepare for the teacher(s) who wants to see how your child "gets along" before making any changes in the way they run their classrooms.

Teachers often take this position because they want to give their students a fresh start. You may need to explain why your child may fail unless the teacher understands his/her unique needs and provides the necessary services, accommodations and supports.

7. Resolve Old Concerns and Issues.
If you have concerns or issues that were not resolved during the last IEP meeting, request another IEP meeting immediately. Try to resolve these issues and concerns before your child begins to have problems this year.

8. Get a New Assessment. Consider getting your child's skills tested very early in the school year. Where are your child's skills on standardized educational achievement tests? Use these scores as baseline data. You can compare these scores with scores obtained at the end of the year to measure your child's progress.

9. Go to your school's Open House. In addition to giving you another chance to meet with your child's teachers (and make a good impression), teachers often explain their classroom rules during Open House. When you attend, you have a chance to see if your child may have trouble understanding the teachers' rules. You will also be in a better position to explain these rules to your child.

10. Get a bound notebook. Use the notebook as a "contact log" to send messages to the teachers. Write a sentence of two to the teacher(s) every day. Do not make your child the bearer of messages about problems at school. Make an extra copy of your log often in case the notebook is lost.

Have a great school year!
==============================================

Please know these are not the answers to every situation and just provided in the spirit of sharing.  Now it's your turn....what has worked well for you and your family to help start school on a positive note?

Poke with a sharp stick :)

Do you think this picture is how our kiddos imagine getting shots?  I have a typical daughter that is discovering a severe vasovagal reaction when she is getting any kind of shot.

Some of the symptoms are lightheadedness, nausea, the feeling of being extremely hot (accompanied by sweating), ringing in the ears, uncomfortable feeling in the heart, fuzzy thoughts, a slight inability to speak/form words (sometimes combined with mild stuttering), weakness and visual disturbances such as lights seeming too bright, fuzzy or tunnel vision, and sometimes a feeling of nervousness can occur as well. These last for at least a few seconds before consciousness is lost (if it is lost).

And THIS is the TYPICAL kiddo!

We have discovered that preparing the shot site with some numbing agent like lidocaine (need a prescription) helps lower the anxiety as it "doesn't hurt at all!" (from my daughter on the spectrum)

If you can't get a prescription for lidocaine, we have also resorted to using products for mouth canker sores which provides some numbing relief.

Also having a cold cloth/paper towels on the back of the neck (or even a cold pack) can help too. I would recommend having a container to throw up in available "just in case". :)

And for those who are interested in getting their ears pierced....the above suggestions can work for that adventure as well!  Just numb the ear lobes!

Do you own a pet?

We DO own a small 7 pound poodle that is all vocal cords when she hears something outside.  Lordy that dog can bark, such is the nature of some poodles when they are guarding their family.

At first our daughter with autism wasn't sure how to interact with the puppy.  We had to demonstrate EVERY way you interacted with the dog.  How to hold her, how to pick her up, how to pet her.....her interaction was not instinctive at all.

It took a lot of time and she also watched us model how we interacted with our dog.  Now would you believe she is the dog's favorite playmate?  Our dog has discovered that if she brings a toy to my daughter...the toy ALWAYS gets thrown for her :)  She is also responsible for keeping the dog's water clean and fresh and for taking her out of the dog crate in the morning for the first "potty break".

When our girls were very small we did have some fish (I hate fish :) the things we do for our kids!).  They did enjoy watching them and it did seem to have a calming effect on both our girls.

Some folks have good luck with guinea pigs too as well as hamsters or small hermit crabs.  Pets give your child a topic to talk about with others and opens up their world a little bit to how other living things feel and interact.

What pets do you own?  Have you any recommendations for others?

End of School Rush!

Sorry I have fallen off the face of the earth.....AND while I was gone blogger.com has had an overhaul and I am not the fastest of learners....so I will apologize for any "oops" right now! :)

Did you survive the end of school rush of projects, reviews, tests, awards programs and plans for next school year?  Whew....we did, just barely.

Have you seen these books?  They run the range from kindergarten to 8th grade.  We have used them in the past...you don't have to re-invent the wheel to find activities to help your child maintain their skill level.  I think they even have some that are totally reading focused as well.  You can pick them up from Barnes and Noble or Amazon for around $11.00-$8.00.

We are also gearing up to do some reading from our local library as well as reading those books to be assigned for next school year.  Can you guess the book?

Yep, To Kill a Mockingbird :)  AND we will also be watching the movie with Gregory Peck to help with understanding as well.    Good luck with YOUR summer projects and let me know what ideas you can share for summer activities!

School's Gonna Be Out Soon...Are You Ready?

It's coming!  Look out!  Summer vacation....aarrrggghhh!!!

Actually, I am ready to be done with homework, school projects, school deadlines and early bus pickups.

In reality, our summer does resemble a little bit of school activity.  We get the English reading list for the upcoming year and also (if possible) the videos that go along with them.

Hence the cartoon at the left.....To Kill a Mockingbird is on our 9th grade reading list and we will be getting the video to watch as well.  I am actually looking forward to watching the video as it is one of my favorites.

We also will be re-watching the "Model Me Kids" videos on making friendships, starting conversations, bullying and high school.  If you haven't seen these videos before, please check them out...they are absolutely fabulous and also have videos for younger kiddos as well.  It is lovingly called "Mommy's Social Skills Bootcamp"...yep, I live with comedians.

We also plan to teach our girls how to play euchre.  Considering how poorly I play, we will teach them how NOT to play like mom :)  However there is a Euchre Club at our high school and it might be a social club for our girl to join....you play and chat with your friends.

We also go for walks, sleep late, sometimes stay in our jammies all day, eat lots of icecream, listen to rock and roll while we do house chores and stay up late....life is good!

What things do you have planned for summer? 

Survival :)

When you are in deep trouble, say nothing, and try to look like you know what you're doing. :)

Keep in mind that at times our kids need reminders to "not be the weird kid" sitting in the cafeteria, standing in line for class, sitting at their desks waiting on class to begin, riding the bus, or hanging out on the playground.

There is something to be said for being a little "self aware" and realizing that if no one else is skipping or flapping or twirling, that maybe you shouldn't be either.

Bullying and IEP's

The following is from the lastest e-newletter from "Autism Speaks". I thought since IEP's were "in the air" it might be a starting point for some things to consider for your child's IEP. Keep in mind all these are just suggestions and may be viewed as a "starting point" for conversations for parents and educators.

We have been fortunate to have benefited from suggestions our teachers made during our IEP meetings and feel all information can benefit all involved.


The IEP team, which includes the parent,can identify strategies that can be written into the IEP to help stop the bullying. It may helpful to involve the child, when appropriate, in the decision-making process. Such strategies include:

• Identifying an adult in the school who the child can report to or go to for assistance

• Determining how school staff will document and report incidents

• Allowing the child to leave class early to avoid hallway incidents

•Holding separate in-services for school staff and classroom peers to help them understand a child’s disability

•Educating peers about school district policies on bullying behavior

•Ensuring regular reassurance from the school staff to the student that he or
she has a “right to be safe” and that the bullying is not his or her fault

•Shadowing by school staff of the student who has been bullied. Shadowing could be done in hallways, classrooms, and playgrounds.

•Holding separate in-services for school staff and classroom peers to help them understand the child’s disability

When talking with your child’s IEP team, consider what strategies, with those listed above as a guideline for ideas, that might be effective for them to address bullying.

Happy Easter!

Sabbatical :)

I will be "going dark" for a this week while we have some family fun :) Remember to enjoy your child! (And THAT's no April Fool!)

Haircuts

How does your child do with haircuts? Some of our kids are really bothered by the idea of having someone around their heads with scissors...AND cutting pieces of their hair off!

We found that for early childhood haircuts, we traveled to Cookie Cutters where our daughters could watch videos while getting their hair cut. That seemed to settle them down as they focused on their favorite Sesame Street show.

We also found that if we got a doll and had our daughters practice washing, drying and yes, cutting the doll hair...it helped them practice the skills that would be practiced on them.

We also practiced with the hairdryer on a lower setting and sometimes (early on) had to just let the hair "air dry" without the aid of a noisy dryer.

If haircuts are a huge deal, practice just having your child walk in to the salon. Next trip they sit in a chair...next trip have the stylist drape the cover on them as they sit in the chair...you get the idea...baby steps with huge praise for each one mastered. Keep in mind it takes our kids longer to become accustomed to things....but THEY CAN DO IT!

I love this quote from Dolly Parton: "I'm not offended by all the dumb-blonde jokes because I know that I'm not dumb. I also know I'm not blonde." :) Have a wonderful day!

IEP -- Three Little Words NOT to Fear!

Well, I don't know about you, but I sure start to worry and fret and put on my anxious face when this time of year rolls around :)


And I really shouldn't! Keep in mind 85% of what you worry about doesn't ever occur. Rationally I realize this, but emotionally, I know that other 15% is going to kick me to the curb!

One of the best things I can do to "climb off the ledge" is to make a request to see the proposed IEP prior to our meeting with the resource team. Yep, you can do that!

How much better will you feel going into the IEP meeting when you have had a chance to read the new proposed updates AND have some time to absorb it ... which takes that scary 15% of the unknown out of the worry equation.

You will be able to gather your thoughts and get your questions organized and be ready to start a dialogue with the other members of your child's team. Your child's team should be able to provide the new IEP to you...and the IEP meeting can always be rescheduled so your team has time to prepare the IEP and forward it to you.

To quote George Carlin, "I don't have a fear of heights. I have a fear of falling from heights." Now before I climb down off this ledge, I am going to take a minute and enjoy the view :)

St. Patrick's Day!

Just a quick post today....knowing St. Patrick's Day is coming up on Saturday. When my girls were in elementary school, sometimes during lunch when they would be in the cafeteria, a leprechaun would have visited their room and left little presents for them.

For most kids this would be tremendous fun....for some of our kiddos, it was scary to think that a little man wearing green was wandering around and messing with their desk. Teachers, please keep in mind that while this is a delightful little surprise you do for the class, some kiddos might need a little more explanation.

As our girls got older we had to explain that it was okay if you forgot to wear something green on St. Patrick's Day....and no one had the right to "pinch" you if you didn't. Likewise, you were NOT to pinch someone who was not wearing green.

THEN as they got even older, we had to explain that "Erin Go Braugh" did NOT mean for someone named Erin to remove her bra, but rather it meant roughly "Ireland Forever".

Now, go put on something green, leave your bra on and enjoy your child! Oh, and "Erin Go Braugh"! :)

Chat Packs for KIDS!

We don't want the younger kiddos to feel that they are left out! Also these could be used during social groups, lunch bunches. Not to mention teachers can use them for classroom activities...woo hoo!

Here are some examples:

How do you imagine that you will look physically when you are 21?

If you had to choose between exploring outer space or the bottom of the deepest ocean, which one would you chose?

If you got a parrot for a pet, what phrase above all others would you be sure to teach the beaked blabbermouth to say?

If you could've been born on any holiday, which holiday would you choose?

We have used these on car trips and also taken them with us when we go out to eat...sometimes it IS possible to replace the cell phones/electronic games and actually interact while you are waiting on your food :) Remember to enjoy your child!

Chat Packs

Have you seen these before? They make a couple types of them and this could be used for older teens and adults.

I think they are about $10 and I found mine at a local Hallmark store actually. There are about 156 cards in each box.

Here are some examples of conversation starters:

"What is your favorite saying or quotation?"

"What is the best $100 you spent in your life?"

"On a scale of one to ten (with one being not at all and ten being very much so), how superstituous are you?"

"If you were making a list of the five things (not people) that make you hapiest in your life, what five things would you write down?"

"What is the most interesting course you have taken in school? On the other hand, what is the most boring course you have ever taken in school?"

As you can see, they are can be pretty light hearted and spark conversations. Our job is to make sure our kids know when it is appropriate to introduce a conversation starter like these.

You could say, "Hey check out these fun questions I found" and then proceed with the question, making sure there is a lull in conversation, you are making eye contact with your friends and that you are smiling because these should be fun!

Parenting Through to Adulthood

Hello Parents AND Educators! In the next few years there is going to be a tsunami of kiddos on the spectrum coming of age....and that is the next area to be explored.

Much like the "Boomer Generation" coming of age when there weren't enough pediatricians (now there are) to today when there aren't enough gerontologists. We need to start planning on the future for our kids when they are 13, 14 or 15!

I cannot take credit for this next post.....I am passing along wonderful information from Michelle Garcia Winner and her site: www.socialthinking.com. She has developed a series of articles on teens and adults with Aspergers that are a wealth of gold.

Here is her first article: "Parenting Through to Adulthood". I will try and link to the article directly:

http://www.socialthinking.com/what-is-social-thinking/michelles-blog/352-parenting-through-to-adulthood

Her information is pragmatic and you can pick and choose what will fit your individual situation and family. I will continue to have links for her other articles over the next few Mondays.

Happy Reading!

Overreact

o·ver·re·act

intr.v. o·ver·re·act·ed, o·ver·re·act·ing, o·ver·re·acts

To react with unnecessary or inappropriate force, emotional display, or violence

When my eldest daughter was in first grade, she came home soooo very proud as the class had been discussing animals and their characteristics.

“MOM! I KNOW exactly what animal you are! We talked about it in class today!”

My slightly embarrassed and yet thrilled reaction was to think “aww, bet it is a soft cuddly bunny or a sweet little puppy” Guess again....

“A WEASEL! Wanna know why? Because a weasel has no patience, will fight to the death to protect its young and is pretty funny looking.”

She does still live in this house and has suffered no ill effects from her all knowing pronouncement. (Although in my defense of appearance, I was sleep deprived, and in the beginning of the autism diagnosis of her younger sister)

I sometimes overreact. There I said it. I overreact; sometimes internally and heaven help those around me, sometimes externally. Often enough that it has become a family catch phrase “going weasel”. (this means look out, mom’s about to blow!)

We need to try to explain to our kids that sometimes their autism causes them to overreact to sensations/noises/lights/textures/smells that typical folks handle just fine. Sometimes it is "escalating" much too quickly, and sometimes it is just the level of reaction. Both can draw unwanted attention and appear as "atypical" or "bad" behavior.

The key is to NOT overreact -- or teach your child to recognize when they are overreacting and help them "reel it in". We used the story of the boy who cried wolf. If you continue to overreact to small things, how will we know when something really huge is bothering you and worthy of an overreaction? We have also used the "what do you really think this situation is on a scale of 1 to 10?" approach. Examples of a "worthy" 8 or 10 might help. We have fewer and fewer "8 and above" now. The Yellowstone Volcano erupting would be a 10. Spilling a glass of milk ...1 or 2!

Help your child by showing how YOU react when things don’t go as expected, or a loud noise startles you....they can practice what their reactions should be.

My children now practice NOT “going weasel” :) Now if they can....surely there is hope for me?

Valentine's Day

When our kids were in elementary school, they had a party on to celebrate Valentine's Day. Don't know if that is still the case now.

Seems like there aren't enough hours in the day for teachers to teach without an interruption for a party, convocation, in-service meetings, etc.

SOOOO, if your classroom is still having class parties, what can be done to help your child have fun during the party?

Some things to consider:

NOISE: Does loud noise bother your child or do they just block it out? Maybe they could attend the party for a short time and then head to the library or resource room for a break?

FOOD: Some kiddos can't tolerate different candies, textures, flavors. Maybe you can find out ahead of time if there will be a treat and what it is. Sometimes you can send in your child's own treat for them to enjoy.

GAMES:

Again, a parent disclaimer....I hate school games, especially when I (as classroom parent/helper) have to come up with them. Make sure the games can be easily explained and aren't too difficult for your child to understand or participate in. With competitive games, the pressure can be overwhelming, especially if your child is the one that doesn't help the team win!

And finally....VALENTINES:

See if you can get a class list ahead of time to help address the valentines. Some teachers just suggest sending 30 valentines with no "to" names and your child's name written in the "from". This helps our kiddos who might have poor motor skills and all the extra writing may seem like extra homework! So you might actually be the one doing some of the writing...and that's ok! :)

A Big THANK YOU!!!

Thank you to the Worthington School District for hosting my lecture last January 24, Tuesday evening, "Thinking Outside the Box"! A special thank you to Dr. Toler, who made all the arrangements....your parents and teachers are very lucky to have you!

You made me feel very welcome and I enjoyed meeting so many parents, educators and bus drivers! Please continue to explore this blog and share any new information or tips you might have!

Remember, we all are an experiment of one!

Bullying

This is a subject we all dread and fear....what if our kids are bullied. How should they respond? How should WE respond?

Fortunately, we have had just a few incidents of bullying and the situation didn't escalate. So please understand I am just again a parent offering some tips of what has worked for us.

In grade school, when our kids were called names (you are so stupid, weird, whatever) their response was always "SO?" A quick little two letter word that pretty well stumped the would be bully. We then told them to just walk away (if on the playground).

In middle school we emailed/called the teacher and made them aware of the situation if it was occurring during class. Sometimes it could be alleviated by a quick seating chart change...let's face it....we all don't get along with everyone...some folks are just like oil and water.

In junior high our guidance counselor offered this solution (because I was in need of being talked off the ledge worrying about what junior high would be like). She provided a laminated pass to our daughter to be kept in her pencil pouch. Anytime she felt bullied or unsafe, she was to pull out the pass and give it to the teacher saying "I forgot I have an appointment with (guidance counselor) and need to go".

The teacher would then let our child out of class/lunch/wherever with no questions asked. Our child was to head directly to the guidance office where the counselor would email the teacher once the situation had been explained and sorted out.

We have NEVER had to use this in 7th and so far, not in 8th grade. Probably was more for my peace of mind, not our daughter's.

As we prepare for our IEP transition to high school (again, I am climbing up on the ledge :) I will definitely be considering asking for a similar pass to be allowed....so I can climb down to safety :)

What has worked for you?

Bumper Stickers

One of my favorites is:
AUTISM: IT'S NOT LIKE YOU THINK :)

Here are a few others....please note, Tips4Autism doesn't necessarily agree with these, but they are worth a look.....

Had to throw in this last one "just because" .... you all know who you are! Remember to enjoy your kids!

The Science Fair Project

Do you notice that there is no picture of the tired/frazzled parent who has helped create this project? Only the smiling child because it is done?


Author disclaimer....I hate science fairs and school projects. I will try not to let that TOTALLY influence the following writing. :) I will TRY......

When it is time for your child (and it will be coming believe me!) to do their science fair project....pick an easy one. Unless your kiddo is totally immersed in a science subject ....google "easy science fair projects". It will make your lives soooo less stressful.

Here's what we did: Magnets!!!

With 200 one inch paper clips on a paper plate we gathered several different magnets (rectangle, horseshoe shape, small bar....two of each) Our hypothesis was "If we double the magnets do we double the amount of paper clips it will pick up?"

Place your one magnet in the middle of the paper plate with paper clips (let them attach) and place it on an empty plate. Count the number of clips....do this five times. You will then have some numbers to average.

Repeat this process with each magnet and then double your magnets and repeat the process.

You can graph your results and we also took pictures of the magnets with the paper clips attached (for the display board).

I am sure there are many other things you could do with magnets, but remember to keep them away from your computers and electronic devices!

Science Fair was one of the things we added to our daughter's IEP...we asked that she be one of the first ones judged and be allowed to leave as soon as the judging was over.

We added this after our 7th grade science fair when our daughter wasn't on the list of displays (with some other kiddos) had no table to set up her display (eventually one was found) and was one of the last ones to be judged....a two hour process.

I know this because I was there as a "helper" to her and brought some snacks and helped keep her calm. I think she would have handled it okay had I not be available, but it helped the situation not to spin out of control.

This is in NO way a bad reflection on our teachers/school. Whenever you work with a huge group of folks, sometimes things don't always go as planned. We used this as an example to our daughter of how you need to be prepared for things to go awry and plan on who and how to ask for help....again a valuable "life lesson".

See, I did TRY and not be completely snarky about science fair/school projects...keep hope alive! :)

Family Short Hand

Sometimes we have found it helpful if we have a couple of "catch phrases" to help communicate with our children....kind of a talking shorthand. We have already talked it over with them ahead of time and the kids can also use them with us....believe me, sometimes I need to be re-directed!

Stay Smooth (or Chill)
This means to take a deep breath and calm down. The situation coming up or the one you are in may be very distressing and you need to prepare yourself to "stay smooth" and not overreact.

In my mind
Know I have mentioned this before, but it bears repeating. This has been a terrific help to our family (parents included ~ ha!) There are some things you DON'T say out loud, but you can say anything you want to or need to "in your mind". This is especially helpful when someone is driving you crazy and "in my mind" I think that exactly, but do not say it to their face. Gives the child some control over a situation.

Put on my "flexible" hat
No, sorry, we don't have a special hat we can put on to help with changes we experience :) We use this BEFORE we go somewhere or attend an event where we are not sure what the agenda will be.....no set schedule of who/what/when...so you must be very flexible with your reactions and "roll with the punches" so to speak. We tell our kids "Now you need to put on your flexible hat, because we have no idea what things will be like when we get to (fill in the blank)".

Bump
This happens when something unpleasant has happened. You can ask your child if they had any "bumps" at school and how they handled them. A bump is a temporary problem similar to a speed bump in the road....yep it happens, but it is quickly over and (here's the big thing) you don't dwell on bumps....they are over and done with....no obsessing!

Do over
Kind of fits with a bump....you can make a mistake and try and repair it by a "do over". We developed this when our girl overreacted in certain situations...we would replay the conversation and allow her to "do over" her reaction to get practice on how to "typically" react.

Life Lesson
Boy do I still get these! A life lesson is usually a hard thing to learn and may be a little painful or embarrassing....but it has those qualities so you remember the lesson for LIFE! Our daughter's earliest life lesson was to NOT leave the school building because you would get locked out...yep it did happen in 1st grade when she didn't come in with the class from recess. She is now 14 and still remembers that life lesson! :)

What family "shorthand" do you use?

New Year's Resolutions

Well normally my toast at this time of year is "May your troubles last as long as your New Year's resolutions!"

I think a better time of year is in August or September...when school starts. Something about buying back to school clothes, a new schedule and routines brings along a freshness to the year.

However in the spirit of the day here are some musings:

Have Patience

Yea, yea, you are thinking...I know I should be more patient with the kids. Well, how about YOURSELF? We as parents are super critical of ourselves and have such high expectations of all we should be doing for our kiddos....stop it! Let's resolve to give ourselves a break! We have good intentions and are trying our best and by golly that counts for a whole heck of a lot!

Delegate One Task

Doesn't have to be a huge task....maybe something that is little and just niggling at the back of your mind. Mine is emptying the trash....my youngest (14) is in charge of emptying the trash. Upstairs and downstairs, bathrooms and kitchen....all I have to do is ask for her to do her "job" and voila! it is empty. Before you become green with envy...still working on her actually putting her clothes in the dresser and not continually getting dressed from neatly stacked laundry on her bedroom floor. :)

Do Nothing Night

Pick one night a week to "do nothing". Order in food or have an OYO (on your own) night for food where everyone forages through the pantry/refrigerator and eats whatever they want. Don't pick up the toys (that is what tomorrow is for) no laundry, or housecleaning....just chill.

Eliminate Dreaded Holiday Tasks

Sorry this one is late for this year, maybe you can implement it next December :) I have a delightful best friend who is a wrapping paper ninja...her gifts are beautifully wrapped in exquisite detail....I do well not to have mangled tape and wrinkled paper (hence my use of gift bags :) Tired of sending holiday cards....don't.....skip a year. Some folks can't get the job done before Christmas and send New Year's cards instead. If you enjoy something, keep it...if not....set if free and hopefully it won't come back to you. (referencing the old adage of "if you love something.....)

30 Minutes

Take 30 minutes a day for yourself....even if it is sitting alone in your car in quiet solitude. At one point in my life I asked if someone could come in the bathroom and look at me because I didn't think I could pee if I was alone :) Seriously, it will help provide a calming and centering if you can just sit quietly in stillness. Not your thing? Put on some music and jam! Just do something for yourself for 30 minutes....heck some days I was happy with 10!

Please have a healthy and happy 2012 filled with much love and laughter. Remember, love may make the world go round, but laughter keeps us from jumping off!

What are some of your resolutions for 2012? (if any ;)